Instragram entered our home when our first born was beginning to navigate the possibility of creating an account, he is now almost 22. It was new to me and as a mom of five, I was well aware what I began with one would likely filter on down to the others. I was not against it, I just did not know enough to be at ease, yet. So, together we created accounts. I don’t know why, but I thought right away of arrows. Psalm 127:4 came to mind, “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth.” Warrior may make you think of Braveheart, but I just had this image of arrows, five kids and our family, it stuck. So my original handle became five arrows strong.

We learned how to do it together and at days end, my husband and I over the years have tried our best to caution balance on all media fronts. If my husband were typing now he would shake his head and say that we had major valleys, perhaps more than hilltop moments. I have a sense that if you are reading this you will be nodding your head in agreement that the media that surrounds us now is a powerful magnetic force that requires almost superhuman strength to resist. I have to add without community, conversations, connected marriage and constant prayer I think we may have struggled even more navigating this almost magnetic beast at times.

Social media in general creates opportunities, lots of them both good and bad. It keeps us connected to friends and family and potentially those that drag our spirit down. We can choose to see, “… whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Or we can fall into a spiral of poor choices that lead us into dangerous territory. The temptation is real and lurking at the next click. What is a temptation to one is the polar opposite for another. The strongest, most capable word I can use here is accountability. Accountability is a way, not the only way, to lead our kids toward balanced choices. We can hold them accountable (whatever that looks like for your family) or an outside mentor or friend.

Motherhood is the opportunity to bless, protect, enable provide.

Recently, I have been writing about these four words. The word bless in the post here and protect here. The next word is enable.

When I hear this word I almost cringe. I don’t want to enable my kids to fall into unnecessary sin, crooked paths or destructive behaviour. I have heard many people say over the years that our generation of parents have enabled our kids toward a variety of media addictions simply because we allowed them to have a phone. Agree, somewhat. It is always a choice to provide some ‘thing’ for your kids, a new toy, takeout food or a device. So, we said yes. One friend of mine with kids much younger made a choice with her husband to allow phones, but the kids were to earn and pay for them. I don’t want to live with regret, but if I could do it over (9 years ago) I would have done the same (my husband is nodding). I have seen this work in their family as it allowed for many reasonable and favourable outcomes: ownership, responsibility, financial awareness, maturity, accountability and decision making skills. We were not wrong, it was just a different path. That is why community, conversations, connected marriage and constant prayer is for me (us) an absolute MUST! We have to discuss our weaknesses and failures and allow others to share in our pain, frustration along with our utter joy and tears of relief and gratitude. Had we navigated parenting alone, I believe we would have missed out on God’s beautiful blessings of encouragement seen in 1 Thessalonians 5:11, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

Through these four ways (community, conversations, connected marriage and constant prayer) I believe we can be purposeful in how we enable (allow) our kids see and know that, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction” (Proverbs 1:7). This is not a guarantee for salvation. As I said yesterday, it is the action of intentionality and purposeful parenting, “During those younger years praying with the kids was an important way to encourage a natural conversation with God. This was not a formula or guarantee for salvation. We were acting intentionally as God has called us to, ” Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

Our church community provides prayer, friendship, accountability, deeper understanding of God’s Word and aiming to put Christ first – a gospel centered home. Community allows for much needed conversations between friends, family and Bible study leaders. As a result of community and conversations, we took this into our marriage and it connected us deeper through prayer and making time for one another to keep our marriage strong (going away for a night, out for dinner, walks etc). Lastly, but not least of all, prayer. This is the tie that binds all of these together. Even though we have made parenting decisions that were epic failures (we all have them) we have all of these ways to keep us grounded in our faith in Christ and be reminded, ” For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you” (Isaiah 41:13).

There was a moment at church years ago our pastor at the time was willing to ask me hard questions that made me really dig deep and think on choices we were making in our family. These are the kind of moments that shape you. It could have hardened my heart and determine it was none of his business, but it actually did the opposite. I heard it, thought about it and let God use it how he intended it to be used in our family. This is true friendship and caring of the flock. The intention was to build our family up! That conversation was a gift, it is with gratitude I look back and see how God used that moment for his glory. What does accountability look like to you?

I’ve heard people say I am a connector. Admittedly, I am! Connecting my family has always been a priority. Whether through games, travel, inviting friends over, family events, cooking (and eating of course) or creating a family crest that is uniquely ours! Years ago my husband and I talked about creating a family crest, to connect our family in a special way. We had grand plans! Somehow, between him running the family business, homeschooling five kids and activities it never made it past our well-intentioned words. Fast forward to a few years ago and I decided to act. I secretly planned a family crest with my talented sister-in-law (sister-in-love I prefer!) through her gift of creativity (you can find her marketing site here at Imprint Marketing Group) she unfolded a beautiful design. I wrote out key words that fit our family: family, faith, love, Christ, rock, water, anchor, swords, tartan, Isaiah 43:2, arrows, red and green and from those words she created this:

 

I think the unveiling was one of my MOST FAVOURITE moments on a Christmas morning. My husband had no idea! I had t-shirts made, framed print and candles (an admitted candle addict here!) and even made mugs (overkill?). This was a culmination of years that had been bubbling inside of me. Each word and graphic had a special meaning behind it:

Arrows: our five kids

Isaiah 43:2: our family verse

Colours: Macgregor tartan

Anchor: my husband, dad

Cross: Christ

Swords: the boys/brothers (the endlessly played with swords & light sabres)

Rocks: me and the three girls/sisters

Water: binds us together lake, ocean and pool represents family time

 

I remember seeing the crest for the first time and just being overwhelmed. This is us! It has connected our family and I dare say, some have spoken about making it a permanent piece of art!

Each family member is a vital part of our home. This is what I can do, I can allow each one to know in their soul, they are deeply loved and important part of our clan. For me, this is an act of worship by celebrating the family God has given me in a role he set apart for me as mom. I am completely imperfect and a sinner in need of grace, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Knowing this truth carries me through my own battle with sin and walking through the inevitable moments my kids will, and have, moments of sin that entices and swindles.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines enable one way, “to provide with the means or opportunity.” The word enable doesn’t have to make me cringe. Through the trials and joys in life, by God’s grace, I can allow my kids to ultimately see the goodness of God and that he loves them, gave his life for them and has a purpose and plan for each one. Done on my own I will fail, with the Holy Spirit guiding me along with community, conversations, connected marriage and constant prayer I can make strides forward, one day at a time, one step at a time. Ultimately, they each will make a personal decision to follow Christ. I can only do what God has called me to do and rest in his faithfulness that he is in control, not me. That is freedom.

Did I mention I made a mouse pad, oh dear.

 

What would your family crest look like? What words would be the foundation that bring it to life? Get creative and brainstorm with your family and make it yours, together!