We walked onto the Trinity Western University campus at the young ages of 18-19 to an unknown world full of excitement and anticipation for the next adventure. It was the friends that became the most incredible gift for all of us! I met Jeff right away as we were in the same program (Education), and it was a small class! I also met his wife, Jenn, that first week of school, and well, Jenn and Jeff became fast friends ♥ (and have been married 25 years!). Jenn and I became roommates and dearest friends. Our adventures never stopped, I am sure they would both agree one of our highlights at TWU was the missions trip to Quito, Ecuador. What is extra special is that our husbands are great friends and when we can travel, we plan on a trip to B.C to visit together! 

Jeff was always a stand-out leader (and still is). God has blessed him with a unique skill set that has allowed him fantastic career opportunities (as you will read more about below). I don’t remember Jeff without Jenn, so even when I write this, all I hear in my head is, “Jeff and Jenn!” I look back at my years at TWU with gratitude for the wonderful friend, student, athlete, leader, and godly example Jeff was to me and countless people. This has naturally overflowed into his role as a husband and father. So many have been blessed by his humble leadership and constant encouragement whether at home, church, or workplace. I am delighted to welcome Jeff to the Seasons of Fatherhood Series today! He has a wealth of knowledge to share, as you will soon see! Thank you, Jeff, for blessing us with your wisdom through, Leadership from the Circle.

 

Jeff Gamache is a husband to Jenn, a dad to Kaden, Emma and Abby and a follower of Jesus. Jeff grew up in small town Alberta and BC playing every sport possible and reading as many books as possible (his mom hid his books as punishment). He still loves to read, loves to be outdoors with his family, loves to play sports, talk about faith and sport, and loves to be in fellowship with others inside and outside of a church building. He taught k-8 for 20 years, coached numerous teams across all sports and is now the Director of Athletics at Trinity Western University in Langley, BC. He and Jenn love to talk parenting, enjoy biking around the Lower Mainland and together run a small Christmas tree farm. They attend Northview Community Church in Abbotsford where Jeff is an elder.

During the pandemic Jeff and six other dads used the lockdown to meet on Zoom and share lessons they had learned about life which were then turned into chapters for a future book written to hopefully pass on Biblical wisdom to their kids.

 

Leadership from the Circle

by Jeff Gamache

 

I have heard it said that if you are breathing, you are leading.  Not that you are leading all the time, but in some way shape or form, at some point in your life, you will be a leader, you will be influencing others, so how are you going to do that?  What posture will you take as you lead?  Will you lead from the front, setting the example, working hard and “pulling” your followers along?  Will you lead from the bottom, serving others and encouraging them to greatness?  I would assert that there is more than one way to lead and that they each have their potential strengths and weaknesses.  Many great books have been written on these styles of leadership, so I’m certainly not going to profess to be an expert on the topic.  In fact, let me tell you a story that illustrates my inadequacy.

Our family decided to do a trip to Disney World with some friends.   None of us had ever been to Disney World before but a good friend of mine had been there with his Young Life club close to 10 times and he gave me the “inside scoop” on how to do Disney World like a pro. When all 10 of us, 4 adults and 6 kids (ranging in age from 3-9) showed up at the gate on day one, I had the plan.  I do not remember much if any consultation with the other nine members.  I was 20 feet in front, map in hand.  It was clear who was leading this adventure; Mr. Disney.  Things quickly unraveled, many of the rides on my list, while great for teenagers twice the age of our kids, were simply not available to our younger troupe.  We were walking past all kinds of rides that likely looked great in their eyes, very age appropriate for our younger group, but they were not on my list.  Finally, we got in line for Jurassic Park, we were all above the height line, we could all get on.  It did look a bit scary, dark and loud.  One of my kids even said they did not feel comfortable going on the ride as we stood in line.  I let them know in no uncertain terms that if they could not buck up the courage to go on the ride, we might as well just go back to the rental house and have a nap!  So all 10 of us got on the ride, the lights dimmed and the dinosaurs proceeded to pop out from everywhere, roaring and bearing their bloody fangs.  Disastrous does not even come close to describing the ride.  Screaming kids, parents spread horizontally across their young ones protecting their eyes and ears, nightmares for weeks.  Mr. Disney had really picked a winner.  Mr. Disney was no longer leading.  Mr. Disney was barely still married.  Mr. Disney had not been even remotely aware of his followers.  Mr. Disney had failed miserably as a leader.  Mr. Disney needed to have more of a heart, to be as focused on the people and their needs as much or more than the “list” or goal.  And to this day, if Mr. Disney begins to lead his family in this way, he hears two words… Mr. Disney.

Clearly this style of leadership was not helpful.  Leadership that does not listen to the greater group, is hard headed and prideful, will never work.  Thankfully I have learned much from this and other failures over the years.  And what I have come to understand about leadership is that it is simply about finding the best way to move a group of people toward a common goal.  The process of figuring out what the goal should be and how to get people to the goal is the art of leadership.  Over the years I have gathered my thinking on effective leadership around a concept I call… Leading from the Circle.  It is a concept whose elements I first observed watching my mother and more recently my wife.  It is not a leadership style exclusive to mothers but they have certainly been exemplified by the moms in my life as they regularly exhibited two of the critical characteristics necessary for leading from the circle; humility and the encouragement to learn from failure.

Growing up I had a mom who gave up her teaching career to be a full time mom.  When people would ask her what she did, I often heard her say, I’m a homemaker.  It was not a glamorous title, it certainly did not pay well.  In our house mom made all the meals, helped me with school work, took care of me when I was sick, threw me creative birthday parties, planned our holidays, came to my sports games and cheered like crazy, made me learn an instrument when all I wanted to do was play sports, she read books to me, she prayed with and she prayed for me…she was at the center and heart of our home.  She created a circle of care, she created a family.  I did not fully appreciate her sacrifice at the time; in fact it was really not until I got married and saw a bit more first hand from my own wife in action, that I realized how truly sacrificial but crucial a mom is to the creation of a home and family.  Through my observations of moms, I started to learn that leadership is not always about being the Captain, the CEO or the one with the title.  Leadership happens when what you do and how you do it positively influences another human being.  Specifically I noticed that leadership happens when you are humble and when you are willing to fail.

Picture a circle, there is no front or back.  Picture standing in a circle, no one is closer or farther apart from anyone in the circle.  Now picture times in your life when you have felt a sense of togetherness.  Maybe it has been around a campfire, usually a circle. Maybe it was around the meal table, often a circle. Or maybe it was on a sports team where you gathered in your “huddle” before the game or during the game for that all important pep talk from a coach or fellow athlete.  Creating a “circle of influence” as a leader is in my mind, crucial to success.  It tells all the players on your team that EVERYONE is equally important.  Sure, everyone may have a different role, but each role is vital to the overall success of the team, family or business, which is the ultimate goal.  But how does a leader lead within the context of a circle? 

 

Leading from the Circle Requires Humility

Leading from the circle means inviting others to join you around an idea, a mission, a goal.  It involves empowering others to be able to help you accomplish something of significance however small or large.  As a long time youth coach and now athletic director, the picture that comes to my mind is the team huddle where you gather in a tight circle, arms around each other’s shoulders, looking each other in the eye and listening to every word the coach or a player has to say in the dying moments of a tight game.  For those of you who are sports fans, think Hoosiers, Coach Dale, Jimmy Chipwood and the “picket fence” play that won an Indiana State Basketball Championship for tiny Hickory High.  As I said before, when you are in a circle, no one is closer or further from the others.  You are all equal and that is what leading from the circle is, it’s understanding that everyone is important, everyone has equal value, just different roles. 

I should have paid more attention to my mom growing up, she did this.  My mom was very willing to lead when her kids were younger, inexperienced and frankly needed leading.  But as her kids got older she resisted hanging on to the leadership too long and allowed her kids to take on more and more responsibility.  She had the humility and awareness to step aside when she sensed her kids had reached a point of being able to lead themselves.  This can actually be harder than it sounds because we often like the feeling of being in charge, the feeling of being needed.  But not letting go of leadership when appropriate can stunt the growth of individuals and compromise the overall success of a team. It would be like a mom keeping her children in the crawling stage.  It might be safer, there might be less chance of falling, you do not move as fast, there is less chance of getting into trouble.  But is that how you really want to go through life?  So mom’s encourage their children to take those first teetering baby steps, which leads to plenty of accidents but also to walking, which leads to running which ultimately sets a person up to live out incredible dreams of running marathons, climbing mountains, living life to the fullest.

If you are the one who happens to be given the opportunity to hold the title of boss or captain, have the self awareness to know when you need to have the courage to step up and lead in word and action because  you actually have the skills in that situation.  Sitting on the sidelines and hiding your talents because you are trying to be “humble” is not right either.  But it also means that you have to have the awareness to know when others on your team, in your business or in your family have a better skill set to take the lead.  This is where humility is so essential.  If you always have to be the center of attention and have control, others will not have the freedom to use their God given abilities.  They might even decide to join another team because their abilities are not being allowed to come to the surface.  Too often a person who has the title of Captain, Principal, CEO etc. can want the acknowledgment of others, so they hang onto control of an idea or a project that in the end could have been so much better if they had simply stepped aside allowing other’s gifts to shine.  Or sometimes this person simply stays in an organization so long that the business or team suffers from stagnation.  Knowing when to move into another God-given opportunity and not overstay your welcome is key to enjoying a long and fulfilling career.  Always be looking for ways to encourage others to take that step of leadership and if you sense it is actually you who must lead, do not be shy to take that step yourself.  If you sense there is another person in your organization that would allow the company or team to thrive even more, have the humility to step aside and see what else God has for your skill set. 

Having humility is not only key to leadership but it is key to expanding your circle of leadership.  In fact, do not be afraid to form circles that include people who have much for impressive resumes than you.  Intentionally look to add people who are stronger, wiser and more experienced than you are.  Look for ways to build into your team and in so doing you might be mentoring the leader that will someday take your place or at the very least a leader that will now have the courage to champion a different circle of leadership.  Weak leaders create circles of people who will simply defer to them because they started the circle, or have the biggest title.  Strong leaders are humble enough to want better people on their team because they know they can learn and thrive with the best possible people in the circle.  Strong leaders also encourage their team to take risks.

 

Leading from the Circle Requires Freedom to Fail

As the leader of a team, organization or family, you will want things to go “right”.  It feels much safer as a leader in the harbor than on the open ocean of life.  But let me give you a secret, even when you try your best, you are more often than not going to make a lot of mistakes.  Especially at the start of something new, but if you avoid doing anything until you are perfect at it, you will never get anywhere in life.  Failing at something is actually the best kind of learning you can do. 

I remember my mom put this into action growing up.  She was always encouraging younger women and her own three children to step out in faith and take risks, first in small ways, then in larger ways. For example, when I was in grade 10 we moved from Alberta to BC.  I left my tiny Christian school with “safe” friends for a large public high school where most of my new friends were not Christians and were making choices around drugs, alcohol and sex that were not in line with how I had been raised or what I read in my Bible.  My solution was to bury myself in my homework on a Friday night, I retreated. I had reduced my circle to just me.  My mom walked into my room one night and asked me what I was doing, even though it was obvious I was doing homework.  I looked at her quizzically, and she carried on.  “Jeff, we have not raised you with Biblical principles to have you hide yourself away on a Friday night, go out with your friends, have fun, we trust you to make smart choices.”  Essentially my mom was telling me to get out, join my friendship circle and lead by example. 

I can not tell you how nervous I was to go out that next weekend.  I learned that not everyone was completely hammered, stoned or sleeping around.  I learned that by being at the party, in the circle, and making smart choices, I could have deep conversations about life and faith that did not happen in the school hallway.  I learned that when I had the courage to join the circle and lead, others now felt the freedom to make similar choices that they might have been too scared to make on their own.  It was not like a revival broke out in my friendship circle, but if you read my high school yearbook, a key theme is that people appreciated me for not being afraid to stand up for my convictions in a way that did not push people away but welcomed them in.  I have my mom to thank for that.  She believed in me and as much as she wanted to protect me, she understood that the only way to grow, to live, is to get out of the safe harbor and live on the open ocean.  That is where growth happens, that is where true living takes place. 

Combining the humility with the ability to see failure as a chance to learn and grow is powerful.  Now you as a leader can take your team to some really great places because you have a team that will be empowered to lead from the circle when they sense the task needs their skill set and they will have the freedom to lead because they understand that failure is simply a necessary part of the process. 

So what have I learned about leadership from watching my mom lead from the circle of our family?  Be humble, encourage others to use their God-given gifts, share the spotlight freely, do not be threatened by the greatness of others, allow for risk and failure; your circle will thank you.

 

 

 

 

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