God’s Timing vs. My Timing 

Two years ago…

 

She never left my side my dear Angie!

 

No one wants to go in for emergency surgery. It is not a pleasant experience. If you’re new here, the short story is that two years ago, I broke my ankle so badly that I needed emergency surgery. You can read the story with these posts:

All I CAN DO IS WAIT

 

Post Surgery and Ice Skates

 

Now, almost exactly two years later, I will be heading into surgery in the next couple of weeks to have all of that hardware removed. It feels different this time because I know it’s coming. Even though the initial surgery was unpleasant, it was over before I knew it, and I had no time to react until I was already in recovery. This time, it’s different. There’s a date and a time. There’s a schedule. And every moment that ticks away until that time fills my stomach with an unsettling wave of anticipation. 

I know I’ll have to go through it again and be in bed for many days, back to using a boot and crutches. Last time, my family was suddenly thrown into the upside-down world of caring for their mom, cooking and cleaning and looking after the dogs. I had to sit back and let it unfold in front of me, with a gnawing and secret irritation that battled fiercely with my gratitude for them. If you’re a busy mom, you know the feeling…it’s hard to let others take control of what you usually do! 

This surgery is going to stretch me. It’s going to stretch everybody, and as a mom, that’s the most challenging part for me. Feeling like a burden to my kids while also carrying the mental load of school assignments and a challenging curriculum calling me toward new adventures. In addition to that, since the launch of my second book, my inbox is gladly starting to see emails from people wanting to comment about my books. I’ve marked emails to read later, with an unsettling feeling that “later” might end up being too late, and I’ll miss out on something important. It feels like I’m being squeezed between all that and running my household daily. Something has to give, but I know with certainty that nothing can. I have responsibilities and many people count on me. What if I fail them? What if I let myself down? 

Even though my mind is racing with everything I have to do, everything that could go wrong, I’m trying to see this forced down time as a gift from God. It’s a chance to start making inroads on some of the projects and ideas that have been simmering in my heart for months, and whenever I feel overwhelmed with stress and anxiety, I tell myself that this is a gift, even though it doesn’t feel that way right now. It doesn’t always make me feel better, but I keep reminding myself that His timing is perfect, even when it doesn’t align with mine. Sometimes what doesn’t make sense to us is simply a stepping stone onto a path that reaches far into the distance, pitching over a horizon that our human eyes can’t fathom. We can never know the destination, but when we let Him lead, we can be sure it will be beautiful.  

Expect the unexpected…well, I am learning this to be so true over and over again. My surgery has been postponed (again). Even so, on the eve of the original surgery date and the day of, I had so many texts from friends saying they were praying for me, asking how I was and planning on a meal delivery! In those moments, I was flooded with beautiful peace and comfort God gave me through friends. His timing vs my timing it is all in his hands. He knows me and exactly what I need! (Psalm 139).

There’s a great song by John Waller from the movie Fireproof ‘While I’m Waiting.’ My family and I have always loved this movie, and we tear up every time we watch it. It’s a beautiful song reminding us to serve the Lord while we wait. We are all waiting for various things throughout our moments and days. It’s hard to be patient! 

While I wait, I will serve 

While I wait, I will worship

 

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31

 

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!

Psalm 27:14

 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Philippians 4:6

 

Today’s sermon  – How Can We Respond To Doubt- at Hope was exactly what I needed to hear. May you be blessed with these truths.

 

 

What My Father Does – John Waller Feat. Sophee Waller (Official Music Video)