One wrong move, an ill-fated slip, an unexpected twist can lead you toward unchartered territory. Add all that up and you have my new year adventure.  A jolt into realty that my days ahead will be different and now All I can do is wait. I broke my fibula bone and have shifted my ankle bone. Next week I will have a screw/pin surgically placed between the fibula and tibia and allow for healing to begin. What rings truer than ever in my ears is the fact we do not know what tomorrow brings. No one can predict. Sadly, this is true for the unsettling landscape that rattled the world on Capitol Hill. Senseless violence, irresponsible vision and carelessness that caused lives to be lost. My heart is aching and well, so is my ankle. I feel my pain physically and others that lost loved ones are feeling the loss in their hearts, minds and souls. What has been taken from me pales in comparison to their heartache.

I have lost a great deal. I can’t walk without crutches and the loving hands of my husband. Navigating cutches for me is brutal. I am slow and must be even more painful to watch. I am completely dependent on everyone for everything. I am unable to provide for my family in ways I just consider normal: teaching, groceries, cooking, cleaning and just being present beyond my bedroom etc. My perch is currently my bed with my leg elevated. Given that we are in lockdown I am not driving around as per usual with dance, church, youth group, school and friends and family visits are all on zoom. Is there a better time to be healing at home? Here I am, here I will stay and here I will heal, one day at at time. What I do love is being surrounded by my girls while homeschooling on my bed! We accomplish quite a bit and making the most of these moments are so worth it! We have to get creative, together.

 

Just a sampling of creativity – fort building, food (thank you Jolanda and Rachel for lots of the Groovy Girls goodies!) and hot chocolate from my sweet neighbour Tracy, fruit bouquet from Stef, pancakes including whipped cream with ‘mom’ artwork. The list goes on, I have much to be thankful for!

We don’t normally have a tv in our room, but we have brought one in so I can watch a show/movie with anyone that wants to climb in and get cozy (You can see in the background on one picture Ratatouille was one of the first movies with Katie!).  I don’t have to ask our dog Angie to join me, she is my constant companion that will not leave my side.

I am grateful for many reasons: I have books to read, journal to write in, a phone to call and text, computer to use and loving family serving me. Friends and family are checking in on me and constantly praying.

I have a long road ahead of me but I am not alone. Family and friends have provided us with meals. I just can’t express enough the gift meals have been to us. This allows walking this new road to be smoother and more manageable one. Over the years I have been blessed with church family, neighbours and immediate family at a moments notice are at the doorstep with a hot meal.  When you have been on the receiving end, you know the blessing of food someone made (or bought it doesn’t matter!). It is all the sweeter when you can bless others. I love to be able to serve others this way, and now others are serving us. I am so grateful. This brings to me the choice to be grateful and find joy despite my trial. I journal, and in that I express prayer, gratitude, pain, frustration lots of moments expressed with my pen. I don’t typically number what I am grateful for but since arriving home from the hospital, I am writing down all the little things. Like a hot coffee made by Katie, dinner made by my mom, laundry done by my husband, all the girls taking care of the dogs. These are just a few moments I am so thankful for. I can’t make my own coffee! Wouldn’t be able to walk with it and crutches, might not turn out very well!

I have lots of books beside me and one of the books that is on my bedside table is, ‘Fresh Joy’ by Heidi McLaughlin. I have ‘met’ her via zoom and emails as she graciously endorsed my recent devotional A Mother-Daughter Devotional and Shared Journal Experience for Psalm 119.  Heidi captures the essence of joy for readers from personal loss, hardship and suffering,

“She was startled to discover that she could have it, because pain and joy can co-exist. In spite of disappointments, pain, and losses, joy is available at all times because joy is an endless resource of heaven through our connection with God.”

So here is this book on joy right beside me and I am in need, a big need, of a massive dose. What an encouragement for me with my broken leg aching and pending surgery. I love how in chapter one Heidi encourages us to take care of our hearts, “To experience deep joy in any circumstance, we must prepare – by learning and cultivating – our soul for storms. Suffering and storms are normal, so, when these difficult times come, we must be ready…when an unexpected storm blows in, how can we tap into deep joy if we haven’t invested in deep soul care?” Throughout the book, Heidi lovingly encourages us to fall in step with Jesus and let him be our source of joy. Following each chapter she has a purposeful section where you literally STOP and ask God to make you joyful. S – Scripture, T- Thanksgiving, O- Observation, P – Prayer. Taking time to hear what God is saying will lead you closer to him, our source of joy! I am thankful for how Heidi has poured her heart into this book to share how she has allowed Jesus to fill her with joy and share it with others. See her writing and other books on her site Heart Connections.

God brings along moments, situations and people to allow us to experience joy when it is simply just hard. I can tell you right now this is a trial and it hurts. Joy has been lingering in the corners of the room in unique ways that have been life-giving. For now, all I can do it wait and while I wait, seek the one who is the ultimate joy giver.

Enjoy this video by We the Kingdom Featuring Maverick City Music. It is a wonderful reminder of who we belong to!

Refiner (feat Chandler Moore & Steffany Gretzinger) Thank you Paula (my amazing sister) for sharing this song and praying it over me.

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint (Isaiah 40:31).

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law (Galations 5:22-23)

Be sure to purchase your own copy of  Heidi’s book on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Castle Quay Books and directly from her site Heart Connection

 

2 responses to “All I CAN DO IS WAIT”

1. My ! Your blog is chock full of good reading to bless and encourage any reader as you express what you are going through. Definitely me, thank you dear daughter. Absolutely loved the sequence of pictures you included; brings us in to your room right with you, so glad for that. You’ve encouraged every reader even though our circumstances aren’t the same. We heard on Sunday that same thing Heidi wrote about ‘soul tending’ . Physical needs are there BUT GOD. We’re just impatient and the Psalmist said in ch 40:1 he waited patiently for the Lord. Tangibly your hand is being strengthened in the Lord by the Body of Christ. Love, Your Grateful mom ♥️

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   • I am so blessed by family and friends walking right with me daily! It is overwhelming to be so well loved and cared for. I am blessed! You made taco Tuesday’s live on here so thank you M?M! Love you and dad so much xo

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