Embracing the Unique Needs of our Kids

 

As some of you may have noticed from my Instagram posts, I have two sweet dogs. One is a rescue from the DR, and the other is a chocolate lab. Angie is 10 years old (we lovingly refer to her as our in-house grandma), and Piper is still a feisty pup, just over 3 ½ years old. If you’ve had a puppy at some point, you know how energetic they can be! Piper has left her legacy in many places all over the house, from teeth marks on wooden furniture and baseboards to chewed-up dog toys. 

Each dog communicates uniquely, and we’re constantly amazed by how well they get their point across! Angie bows to let us know she needs to go out, and Piper rumbles a very loud bark. I know exactly what they’re saying, yet sometimes I still think I can somehow outwit them or convince them to wait until it’s convenient for me to take them out. It never works! We’ve all learned the hard way to listen and act accordingly when they make their needs known. 

We, too, have ways to communicate with our family. Some of us speak up about our needs more loudly, and others require a bit more probing and investigation. Either way, listening to one another and considering each other’s needs and preferences requires an investment of time and energy, as well as purposefully allowing each person to share their feelings and unique needs. 

Our children have a way of letting us know loud and clear when they want something. Babies and little kids are particularly good at this—they’re very good at letting us know when they need something or are offended by an older sibling! 

So how do we as moms learn to embrace and lean into their needs?

As moms, we are always navigating what’s happening beneath the surface of what our kids are communicating and why they’re reacting or responding to something. We have a beautiful opportunity to see things that most others miss because we’re so in tune with our children. Over time, we come to know the nuances of each child and can, with much prayer and wisdom, understand what is happening so we can do our best to meet their needs. It can be a struggle at first to determine what silence means for one child and what an outburst means for another. To know, understand, and act on what is going on beneath the surface requires patience, love, tenderness, and (often) putting our own immediate needs aside.

As moms, you would think we get a lot of practice being selfless (oh, and we do!), but our needs are still our needs, and the battle is real. It’s a challenge to balance what’s right in front of us with what we need for ourselves, and that’s very normal. Navigating how to lean back from our needs so that our kids can be heard is a delicate dance; we’re not going to get it right every time!
And there is grace!

Sometimes, it means leaving a store earlier than planned to attend a toddler’s meltdown or being late to a social event because you were listening to your teenager’s heartaches after a tough day at school. It may mean turning your whole day around because one of your kids threw up as you were all walking out the door (or during a grocery shop- yes, I am speaking from experience!) or staying up later than you planned even though you’re bone-tired because your child needs your listening ear. 

In these moments when our kids are crying out to us in their own unique ways, we have to turn down the noise of everything else that’s going on and ready ourselves to hear and attend to their needs. The only way we can truly know how to do that is by spending time with each child and getting to know them and how they communicate. It means turning down the noise of distraction and being in the Word, refreshing ourselves with truth so we know it and can share it at the appropriate time.

We all have our ways of trying to be seen and heard. If we aren’t careful to be attentive to how those around us are sharing what they need (and what we ourselves need, yes, including our pets!), we risk ignoring the needs and missing key moments. I admit I have missed my kids’ needs at times and become distracted; it happens. We can do something about it. Admit it and move forward with them, asking, seeking, listening and admitting we missed the mark!

But if we can remember that the needs of our precious children are worthy of our love, and that they are created in the image of our Heavenly Father with purpose and worth, then it becomes a joy to fulfill them. Their needs are the essence of who they are, and we, as moms, have the incredible privilege of doing our best to meet them—not perfectly—just our best. 

Prayerfully seeking the Lord about how to meet their needs is the best way to begin. Watch for the signs they may need to be held, heard, encouraged, and as you get to know your kids and their signals, you can begin to help them flourish. You have a bond with them like no other! You are their mom on purpose and God will never leave you or forsake you as you parent and walk through life with them.

It is a hard path to walk, but also the most rewarding. My kids have opened my eyes to a vast array of life-giving moments and taught me so much about who they are and what they need. Our families are a unique blend of personalities and needs all mixed together under one roof! How can we possibly manage all that? One moment at a time, layered with grace, love, forgiveness and compassion. We are not perfect moms, but we are not an accident! We are here on purpose, and we can flourish with that hope!

 

If you would like some encouragement to knowing and understanding your family better, sign up for free at the Relational Lifestyle Homeschool Summit today!  This summit happens every year at this time and yes it is free! There is a membership you can add for more access but I encourage you to check it out. I can’t wait to listen and learn!

I am on session one with Stephen Kendrick sharing his story and the gift of relationship with Christ and our families. He one of the creators of a variety of Christian films such as Fireproof, Courageous, War Room and the latest one to arrive this August called Forge.

 

 

 

I always love to add a song and here is a special one for moms!