Have you ever felt like holding to your family can feel like trying to hold water in your fingers without it slipping through? It feels like no matter what you do, no matter how tightly you hold on, you just can’t seem to catch it. 

This can be one of the most challenging things about being a mother. The fierce love you have for your children makes you want to never let them go, to keep them safe with you at all times. Especially since the battering winds of cultural change seem to endlessly blow our families off course. Every single day, there seems to be something new that the world says we must chase down and hold onto that will make us better, stronger, thinner, successful, intelligent, likable. It’s always more: more friends, more popularity, more followers, more success. 

And I’m not talking about all the incredible people out there who have poured their hearts and souls into creating valuable and meaningful courses that inspire others to refine and master their chosen skill sets. I’m specifically referring here to the ever-changing dictates of cultural morality, and how it can sometimes seem like it’s “cool” to be neutral about certain values. It’s almost as if whatever morals happen to blow by that day stick to us, and that might be what works for today, but tomorrow it will be something different again. It’s exhausting! 

All of these things end up pulling families apart, as we get swept up in them. It can lead to distance, disagreements and misunderstandings, some of which can be hard to come back from. And you know what? I want my family back. And I bet you do too.

But none of us can turn back time. We can’t untangle the influence of social media. We can’t throw away our devices and pretend like they never existed. We can’t reverse the clocks and tap our past selves on the shoulder and tell us how to better navigate those tricky boundaries around internet, social media and computer use in our households. If you blame yourself like I sometimes do for not getting a better handle on those things years ago when your kids were still young enough for it to have made a difference, then may this bring you a peace around it that I’m still struggling to find: you did the best you could with the information that you had at the time.  

My husband and I are very honest about the mistakes we have made. We need to bring these mistakes to God and ask Him to reveal the lessons in them and make intentional plans going forward to try to not make the same mistake! I think the most important word here is grace. I know I need it and I am sure you do as well. Grace when you make poor choices and grace to forgive yourself and ultimately seek forgiveness from God, the One that offers forgiveness. When we come to the Lord asking, He forgives and that is mercy, 

“Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD.” And you forgave the guilt of my sin.” (Psalm 32:5)

If you’re reading this, you’re likely in agreement, because the reality is that there’s no perfect way to navigate the very new and unique anxieties that technology introduces into our lives. I’m not just talking about social media and the stresses that it can bring. I’m also talking about ideologies, and the challenges that those of us face today when we hold fast to the word of God as our truth, and stand firm on it as the foundation of our lives. It can feel like we are constantly being tested, because everybody else seems to have created their own personal Bible with their own personal reflections and opinions that end up swaying our children, and if we aren’t careful and watchful we may be swayed needlessly. We need the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-20)

I don’t like to over-complicate things, and sometimes I overthink certain topics or issues and then end up getting lost in the confusion of it all. But I’ve thought about this a lot, and I’ve come to the conclusion that if we want our families back, I think one way to accomplish this is to take one small step at a time. Start creating moments together with your family that are meaningful. 

That is going to look different in every home. Your family might be very outdoorsy, so maybe you need to embark on a new adventure and create memories outside. Perhaps your family loves going to movies or musicals, so you set some money aside and seek out a local theatre and make memories there. Maybe it’s athletics, serving in the community, or simply enjoying some quiet games and crafts together at home. Whatever it looks like for you, that is the way to simply begin. What we can do is nurture an atmosphere of warmth, safety, love and joy in our families that our children know they can always return to. 

Try something new and do it together! Cook a meal together and sit down and eat it. Talk about what is going on in your life, and open yourself up to the heart of whatever is brewing inside of your kids, because it’s there, and sometimes it just needs to be encouraged to come up to the surface. That is the way we start to get our family back.

And of course, the other thing we cannot forget is the power of prayer and community. Pray with your spouse, pray with your friends, pray with your kids, and keep yourself connected in community. As Christians, this is vital to the beating heart of our faith. We can’t do it alone. There’s too much else pulling at us. It would be crazy to think that we can just shut our doors and try to manage it all by ourselves as our kids get older, go to college or university, get engaged, get married, or move out. Even without the constant pull of the dominant culture, those milestones can be challenging for us moms as they are joyful, and in and of themselves can contribute to this feeling of losing our kids as they get swept up in the tides of the world. 

There are new seasons for everything and each season brings a unique opportunity to create meaningful moments and memories that will keep your family connected. This has been challenging for me as I navigate five kids in five different stages of life, and a part of me feels unqualified to sit here and write this, advising you to do the very thing that I struggle so hard to do myself sometimes. 

But it’s because I struggle to do this that I urge you to try it for yourself. Regardless of whether or not it’s challenging, the benefits of the intentional creation of meaningful memories are clear. Hopefully, we can all come to the table as moms and share with each other how we’ve navigated this tricky season, where everyone seems to be going off in their own directions and it feels like we’re losing pieces of our families. I am learning that it is the blessing of family when we do end up all in one place and the pieces I feel I am losing connect and rebuild our family in new ways that only God could create! God is so good!

So far, I’ve dealt with it by praying, by asking around to find out what other women have done (especially older women who have already gone through this stage of motherhood), and by getting creative. I refuse to let culture dictate my life, when I know what the Word of God says, and how important it is to teach my family to bring it in and allow the Holy Spirit to lead the way.  I love this conversation my friend Janice had with one of her kids when they were young, “Mom, why do you bring God into everything?” Because it is my job!” I agree, it is what I have been called to do as God leads me daily! It is not a job in the sense I have to do this, it is because I have been called and want to. Each child belongs to God and he has a path for them, he directs their hearts, we pray!

I was overjoyed that my kids and I were able to spend some time together not too long ago to go see the movie The Blind, which is all about the story of the Duck Dynasty. I just wrote and posted a review of it, so if you’re interested to see what we thought and how it resonated with us as a Christian family, you can read the whole post here: 

It did take planning and coordination to get everyone together all at one time and in one place to see the movie, but in the end it was worth it because the memory was made, the meaningful conversations were had, and it gives all of us something to hold onto during those times when it feels like we’re slipping through each others’ fingers like water. I am very thankful.

In the book of Hebrews, we are instructed: “do not give up meeting together” and while it was written for the consideration of communities of faith, it also applies to our families. Do not give up meeting together. Do not give up keeping your family connected. God gave us our families, they are a gift from Him, and we honour the Lord with what we do in every moment of every day. I aim to give 100% of my heart to the Lord, it is a daily battle but His mercies are new every morning! (Lamentations 3:22-23)

How do you get creative with your family? How do you create meaningful and memorable moments? I would love to hear from you! 

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24-25)