What a pleasure to introduce you to Rachael today! We met a few years ago through a mutual friend at a homeschool group I co-lead. While our kids were busy in the classroom, the ladies were able to meet upstairs and connect in Bible study together. I think I can speak for her that she misses those days, so do I! Rachael is a treasure to behold! Her light for Jesus shines through her gracious words and love for others. I had the opportunity to teach one of her kids at the homeschool c0-0p and saw directly know how much she loves her children! It is always a step of faith to share your story. What you will read below is her story layered with God’s grace in her life. Bravely, she openly shares the hills and valleys she encountered and how God met her through it all. It is a joy to welcome Rachael to the blog today!

 

 

                                   

Wife to my prince, and mama to seven, we’re a homeschool family that loves adventures. I’m a lover of sushi, eclectic reader, and my fav thing in the world is getting lost in the woods with a pair of binoculars and a friend by my side! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Motherhood, it’s both a gift, and a trust. Even as a little girl, my ultimate dream was to be a mother. I would think of holding and caressing my wee ones, and would get excited anticipating what it would be like to become a parent. 

 

We are entrusted with His precious little ones (that grow up into not so little ones!) and we are called to walk alongside Him to raise up our children in His ways. We will fall often, we will make mistakes, and yet His grace is there to uphold us as we call to Him for help and direction. It is a beautiful thing to be a mother, but also a life that will be filled with challenges. Today I want to share a bit of my journey in regards to mothering, even with some of my not so good choices, and how the Lord has brought me through all the different seasons in life.

Spring, summer, fall and winter. Every year, us Canadians (and other parts of the world) are privileged to experience all four seasons, often to the extreme. I personally enjoy the two less extreme of the four, spring and fall, but summer and winter can be joyful as well.

So, it is also very similar in being a parent. We will experience various seasons in our mothering journey. 

I was a new mother at the young age of 19. An unplanned pregnancy did not mean unwanted, and although I struggled with fears of the unknown, God was already at work in my life before I even realized it or had a strong relationship with Him. I had many in my (now) church family praying for me, connecting and offering their unconditional love and support. My firstborn was born shortly after my twentieth birthday. To my deep regret, I did not run to Christ in this season and surrender. Shortly after I gave birth, as a single mom I continued to live my life for myself and soon leaped into another (unhealthy) relationship to try and fill the enormous void I grappled with. This relationship too, through carelessness with birth control, ended in another unplanned pregnancy. I was fearful again and angry at myself, yet by God’s grace and mercy, there were still those that offered loving support even though at this point I was a very broken woman filled with hurts and regrets. 

Fast forward a few years and I am a single mother of two young boys trying to move forward in life. It was challenging at times to be the mother God had called me to be as I was still trying to do a lot of it on my own, although I tried my best to meet their needs. I struggled with insecurity and heavy shame for my past choices. In this season, a loving pastor, sat me down and lovingly shared truth with me and challenged me to choose who I would serve. I KNEW about Jesus Christ and His offer of salvation at this point, and had even prayed a sinner’s prayer in the past. I had not been living committed, and was definitely not living a surrendered life yet! However, I decided from that meeting onward that I was going to “set my face like flint”, and come what may, go forward in living for Christ. It was a new start for me, very rocky at first to be frank, but I kept going forward one small step at a time. I let go of my old lifestyle in God’s strength. 

 

            By His grace, I was able to stop drinking alcohol, which I had been doing on and off quite heavily since I was 12 years old. I was able to let go of immorality, even when rejection came by my ex-partner for doing so. I had a new standard now, and that was in His Word. I wanted to get married to someone who would be committed to me and my children, or live a single celibate life in honour for Him. I lost some friendships, and no longer went to clubs or parties. I started to really focus on being a mom, and was working, praying on what I was going to do for my next step. I went to church almost anytime the doors were open and brought my two young boys. My desires changed, and although I still stumbled around sometimes (still do) I felt like my life had meaning. 
 

First, I had to deal with the losses in this season of feeling abandoned by the relationships in which I had compromised to keep. I had to deal with shame each week as I walked into church that I was resolved to live a new life in Christ. I felt like less of a citizen of Heaven due to my past that sticks out like a sore thumb among those whose past regrets are much more “hidden”. As a young mom, this would be my personal “winter” season (although other challenging seasons would come and go throughout all the years of mothering!) but it was giving way to spring as the ice in my heart continued to thaw. 

After a few years of persevering and growing in Christ, I then moved into a townhome survey that gave a discount on pricing (subsidized) and went on to finish the university degree I had started years earlier before having my children. I graduated with Honours and an award for my program, and dove into involvement with our local church. Meanwhile, through an outreach project I began with other children in my survey, I became acquainted with a Christian man, and we realized we had a lot in common (as well as many complementary differences) that attracted us to each other. I was his first serious girlfriend, and I felt honoured that he wanted to pursue me, honour me, and never treated me as “less than” because of my past. It was an answered prayer & a God dream come true! The most amazing blessing came on our wedding day where I could stand in God’s grace in a new relationship where we had sowed self-control so that we can unite in marriage as pure with one another. There is nothing like honouring God in a relationship and experiencing His mercy. God is so good and strengthens us when we follow His ways. 

Shortly after marriage, as both of us love children very much, we decided to be open to more children…and the short version of our story is that we went on to have five more children together! It wasn’t a straight line of how that came to be, but I can tell you that God was even directing and leading us in these very personal decisions. 

A year into marriage and after having my first daughter with my husband, I felt we were in a season of encouragement. I felt fresh, like the world could never touch me or my family, we were more in love than ever, and our older boys had quickly adjusted to this new family unit. I felt hopeful and probably sung most of the days inside and on the outside. Parenting my daughter was such a joy as she was an “easier” child (the typical, non-fussy type) and she was lovely to behold. As you can see, I was in a season where my rose coloured glasses were on, and the honeymoon stage still hadn’t worn off. How we all know this is not anyone’s whole life story! 

Approximately two years later we had another bundle of joy in our arms. This time another boy, and although I was elated to have our fourth, the pregnancy had been more difficult, my fatigue had been very extreme, the honeymoon stage was wearing off fast, and the delivery was overdue and quite painful. Everything was pretty good overall but I had a touch of post-partum after this delivery, and my once very calm daughter seemed to have fits as she struggled to communicate the feelings of displacement she was experiencing. I was moving into a summer season for sure! Good times were abundant, yet the heat was getting stronger.

A couple of years after our fourth child, things picked back up again for the two of us. We almost had a second honeymoon season. I lost a lot of weight, as I dove into completing a diploma in Nutrition, which always makes a woman feel nice about herself. I was spiritually in a mountain top season, friendships were plentiful, I was more involved in my church, and life seemed to be going almost perfect again. In this season, I started to explore a new concept to me: homeschooling. We also sold our small 900 square foot home and bought a large country house. We decided we were going to homeschool and move out of the city! It was a time of dreaming and seeing more answered prayers. 

Fast forward a few years, and I was pregnant with my fifth. We were ecstatic at this new life of homeschooling, and our new home, but this was the hardest pregnancy I had experienced so far. My body seemed to feel off and I was sick almost daily. I struggled with dark thoughts, especially as we neared the end. Our lovely homeschool environment suffered as I could barely keep my head above the water. I look back at this time and now realize I was in a deep dark depression during this period of time, likely due to hormonal changes, yet I couldn’t see it at the time. I was trying to keep my ducks lined up but all I felt was angry and trying to put one foot in front of the other. Thankfully, it disappeared quickly after I gave birth, and so we weren’t sure we would do this again. 

Some time passed, things got better again, and then surprise, we found out we were pregnant with our sixth child! When I found out we were expecting, we were already going through a lot of teenage related challenges with our older ones, and I was still trying to pick up the pieces of the damage in our relationship I had caused during pregnancy five when I was struggling so much. I was happy and grateful for new life, of course, but fear really tried to take a hold of me. Thank the Lord in His mercy I was not very sick during this pregnancy and was able to keep my wits about me. I reached out for help as much as I could to prevent isolation and any depression from taking over. As we walked through turbulence with our older children, I shared with close friends and counselors. We walked through many dark clouds and I couldn’t see where we were going. It was God’s goodness and mercy that kept me as some days I really grappled with my purpose as a mother, and why so much was happening at one time. I also, by His grace, learned to pray like I had never done so before. 

We felt like the sixth pregnancy had gone really well physically and emotionally and most likely the next one would be similar. Although the seventh pregnancy was okay emotionally, by the end, the sheer size of his girth (he was 10’3lbs at birth) caused every joint and ligament in my hip area and below to feel completely taxed causing some issues. We decided shortly after birth, that it was not wise to have another child. I needed to work on my own health to take care of the ones I had. 
However, I would say I felt, and still feel, like a very thankful mama to have these ones in my arms as I realize this is not everyone’s journey. We did have one miscarriage over the years, and that was heartbreaking, but I know that little one will be seen again. 

 

The first year after my seventh was born, we still felt like we were experiencing the winter season yet again. There were hints that spring was on the horizon but things were overall very busy and tiring. We had also received some learning diagnoses for some of our children, and I was learning that my limitations were many. I began to cry out regularly to the Lord for help and to look for ongoing practical support that would be helpful for each child. Although there were days I felt like I was going to get sick, or pass away from how tired my body and mind felt (my husband too!), we persevered, and by God’s grace, we came through. 

Right now, I’m sitting here with my youngest already four years old and things are so different. I feel much more calm overall most days. Life has been very challenging for the whole world in the last year with Covid and the lockdowns it has brought about, financial hardships, losses of loved ones for many, and so much of the unexpected.  Also, in the last year I had two surgeries: one planned, and another that was unexpected due to an accident. I still can’t walk quite like I used to due to the accident, and am experiencing pain on a daily basis. Yet, I have seen God remind me again and again throughout the last few years of how faithful He is. How loving He is. Situationally, I feel like this could continue to be rated as a winter season, yet in my spirit I feel like I have entered a spring again. I have found the difficulties this time around have driven me closer to Him. Not perfectly, no, never, but I long to know Him more. I am also thankful for like-minded mothers and friends who also (albeit imperfectly like myself) continue to hunger and thirst for His righteousness as well. 

   Most of all, as I reflect back on over twenty years of parenting, marriage, and life, I can see that there will always be good, and not so good seasons. In almost every good season, there are still hard things to deal with, and vice versa in the hard seasons. Some challenges are lifelong and require much support and prayer. And one needs humility to realize that you cannot do it all on your own. However, no challenge faced with hope in our Lord & Saviour Jesus Christ, and a determination to not give up, can overcome the spirit, although some may attempt to break your body, mind and soul. Some breaking will happen in this life and leave deep painful scars, but they will not be without their purposes when surrendered to the Lord. (Romans 8:28). 

I want to encourage you that wherever you are in your parenting journey, that you can seek the Lord. If you don’t know Him, I encourage you to come to know Him. Read the Word. I’m thankful for easy apps (like YouVersion) that make reading the bible and studying various topics easy to do. Call out to Him. Prayer isn’t a formal exercise; it’s talking to our Creator. He promises in His Word to never leave us or forsake us, those that are His. We have all gone astray many, many times, and have offended a holy God (as you can see from my post I have done that plus a myriad of other sins that are not listed!) but He is gracious, loving and merciful. He is waiting for us to come to Him. Ask His forgiveness for anything you have done, and ask His help to live a new life. Find other believers around you who can encourage you, speak truth to you, and pray for you as well.”

           1 John 1: 9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

 

In Christ, we CAN change and leave our old way of doing things. With His help, we can live out our purpose. Another recommendation on top of the bible, is to read out the book, The Purpose Driven Life“. I’m rereading it now. Such a great road map of how to find out how to live.

 

Things may seem difficult to change, but as we let go and die to our old selves, the new person in Christ begins to come out. Just think of a caterpillar changing to a butterfly! (2 Corinthians 5:17). 

No matter where you are, no matter what is going on, do NOT give up! Even if you have to say that a hundred million times to yourself, get back up. 

 

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Blessings,

Rachael J DeBruin

 

 

If you are looking for an encouraging conversation with Rachael, make sure you register for the Exceptional Grace Summit and hear her speak- The theme is: Moving the Mountains of Every Learner. See links below.

Link to her speaking at OCHEC

https://exceptional-grace.heysummit.com/

Check out the Ontario Christian Homeschoolers – OCHEC

OCHEC is a province-wide volunteer organization that seeks to connect, support, and equip all those involved in home education in the province of Ontario 

I have attended many years and always come away refreshed and with armfuls of curriculum!

 

Rachael had the opportunity to be interviewed on 100 Huntley Street with Cheryl Weber – Determined to Walk with Christ

 Rachael shares about her journey. You will be immensely blessed!

http://www.100huntley.com/watch?id=228827

 

 

2 responses to “Seasons of Motherhood: Special Guest Rachael DeBruin”

1. We all have our story and here’s one-but until we talk to or read our stories you have no idea what is behind that person’s face-the good, the great, the bad, the sad. I love this example of how as we let go and give ourselves to God He intervenes with His great love, mercy and grace. A beautiful God story. Another wonderful person to hear from. Thanks Sandee; thanks Rachel

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   • I love her honestly and willingness to share. Such a gift!

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