Sandee Macgregor

My dear (older sister!) is a treasure of gold. I have been blessed beyond measure by her words of wisdom in my life many times over. I recall while a a summer camp she would write me letters of encouragement. Not just a page, multiple pages! When they would announce mail arrived and my name was called I was almost sure it was from Paula! Writing comes very naturally to her as does the way she connects and encourages others. Her ability to communicate has always been a wonderful example to me, friends and her own family. Selflessly she serves her family and those around her through generous hospitality and friendship. Prayerfully she seeks God and allows Him to be her hope and stay. It is a delight to welcome her to the blog today!

Paula Maretzki is a follower of Christ, wife to Gord for 26 years and mother to 8. As a homeschooling mom herself, her passion is to now mentor young moms as they begin the journey of homeschooling and parenting themselves. Paula speaks at homeschool conferences and moms groups and enjoys regularly writing devotionals for her local homeschool group . She is currently drowning in vegetable transplants as she and her family start their first CSA garden venture. You can visit her musings at www.debt-termination.blogspot.com

♥♥♥

Hello everyone,

I am one of Sandee’s older sisters and am happy to be contributing to her blog today. The Seasons of Motherhood has been her theme lately. and I’ll be sharing one of the key lessons I have learned in my extended season of mothering – and I think it is something every mom can relate to: how I learned to deal with mess, chaos and discontentment. First, a quick introduction to our family to give a short background.

I have been a mother for over 23 years now. I have 5 boys and 3 girls, ages 9-23. We have homeschooled them all from the beginning right through to high school. Some are now in college or university, but are all at home, thanks to the pandemic. We live out in Niagara on an active farm with horses, chickens, cats, and a dog. Our house is a small farmhouse, so it is a busy house with very little alone space, let alone quiet space.

I am often surrounded by mess. This can be from many sources. Because we farm hay, people are constantly coming by to pick it up and we are constantly loading trailers, literally all year round. It doesn’t matter what I do to avoid it, the hay makes its way into every nook and cranny into the house. We also have chickens and horses. This means we have manure. The boys take their boots off at the door….sometimes. This means I have to deal with manure in my house! Because we homeschool, there are literally books, papers, pencils, pens and workbooks everywhere. A regular question is, “Where is my pen?” I regularly shout back, “Look in between the cushions in the couch!” Do other moms say that, or it is just me? We also have no closets. I repeat – no closets. You might wonder where we store our clothes! I had to get super creative and use old wine crates and they are everywhere! If you multiply all of these things by ten, that makes for a lot of hay, manure, books, pens, clothes and shoes pretty much everywhere. This is not to make a list of complaints, but more to paint a picture for you, but one day it all changed. I read a verse that changed my perspective on EVERYTHING.

I came across Proverbs 14:4. It says, “Where there are no oxen in the barn, the manger is clean, but increase comes by the strength of the ox.” This verse has changed my life as it carries a truth in it that all moms need to know and understand – Mess means life is happening! However, I didn’t know this verse for a long time and I struggled. I’ll never forget where my discontentment first started. I had 4 kids at the time and I was already under the pile of laundry, literally, mess and disorder. I went to deliver a meal to a family whose son was in the hospital. The mom answered the door. To my shock, she was dressed in a beautiful outfit, had perfect makeup and hair, was smiling, and to top it all off her house was immaculate. I was expecting to come to a mom in complete disarray, a house upside down, a mom upside down, but it wasn’t like that at all. I left feeling worse than when I had arrived – the awful enemy of discontentment, jealousy and comparison was in my head. How quickly I lost perspective! She would have given anything to have a messy house full of children instead of having one of them in the hospital. Her house was immaculate because people were taking turns watching him at day and night so no one was home to mess it up! They were also mostly grown and so, of course, there would be no toys lying around. We always want what others have.

Back to Proverbs 14:4. I believe the main message of the verse is that you cannot have oxen and expect a clean barn! The irony is we did have cows for many years and so I can actually speak to having a messy barn as well. Now that they are gone, it’s true – our barn is clean, or cleaner, at least. This message can free up a mom to embrace the mess and chaos as a sign of your “barn”/house being full of little (and big) people messing it up! I’m not saying we don’t have to aim for order. We are always striving for that around here, but what I’m suggesting is viewing the mess with different eyes. The mess proves there is life going on.

The second half of the verse explains this, “…increase comes by the strength of the ox”. See, the irony here is we want industry going on in our homes. We want “increase”. We want life to be happening, so that means we have to have an “ox”! When our family decided to literally have cows, we gave up the rights to a clean barn. With the cows came manure, a loads of it. This, in turn, brought flies, but we gave up that right as well to have a fly-less farm. Because we had cows, now we had free-range, grass-fed beef. We had a source of income as well as we sold it for a profit. It is the same way with children. When we decided to have a family, we surrendered our rights to a perfect tidy home 24/7. As our children have grown and multiplied, so has the mess, and yes, it isn’t always physical mess, but there can be emotional and spiritual mess, too, however, so have the blessings, the industry, the increase is literally evident everywhere. Though it can be messy, we are able to achieve more as a family in our multiple side hustles. Though there is a sink full of dishes, and a washer full of clothes, there is increase in what we are able to accomplish day after day. Some days I marvel at what we’ve achieved, what we’ve discussed, how much we’ve laughed…..

If you think about those without the ability to have children and you dared to complain in front of them about your messy house, they would cry. They would give anything to have a messy house, full of smudged walls from dirty fingers. This, too, has helped put everything into perspective for me.

Right now, with the pandemic, my house is messier than usual. I have chore systems in place. I have older kids who should know better. I am at home so it should be easier for me to maintain order, and yet, there is still often disorder, but I have learned to embrace my messy “barn”. I thank God for it. I thank God for the reasons I have mess and occasional, ok, regular, chaos. It means life is going on, life is happening. I have 10 “oxen” in my “barn” and therefore there is “increase”. I know this season may seem unending and there are days I wish I had a cleaning lady, no manure, no hay, no toys and books. The pictures of the perfect magazine homes float through my mind like a dream, but then I’m reminded why there is mess and I realize the gift I have, the “oxen” in my home are my children (even my husband creates a certain kind of Dad mess!). This has helped me fight the enemy of discontentment, jealousy and comparison and has helped me embrace where I am and what stage of life I find myself. I know it won’t last forever. In fact, time is flying by and I know my barn will be empty one day.

I still strive for order, day after day, but I don’t let it consume me. I could yell all day at my kids demanding order and perfection, but even if that got me the exterior results I long for, I don’t think it would produce in my children what I long to see in their character development. Proverbs 17:1 says, “Better to have a dry morsel with quiet than a house full of feasting with strife.” I could rewrite that and say, “Better a messy house full of kids, toys and books with peace than a spotless, perfectly tidy house with strife.”

This is my encouragement to any mom – embrace the mess and chaos and the children who produce it all. As I keep saying, it means life is happening in your home! Strive for order, absolutely, but not at the cost of peace. Remind yourself that your “barn” is messy because you have “oxen” in the form of children, but that it is directly connected to increase and blessing. Soon enough your barn will be empty and clean, so enjoy the messiness now as it will not last forever. This has released me from anxiety and stress over keeping a perfectly tidy home and has helped me view my children as gifts not as the cause of chaos.

Write Proverbs 14:4 over your kitchen sink or over your washer and dryer or wherever you encounter a daily struggle. It will help you keep that perspective that we, as moms all need every day with every mess we encounter. Blessings on you today as you walk through your barns surrounded by oxen!

Paula’s family enjoying dinners around their harvest table and family worship, central to their home

The three sisters! Grateful for you xo

For her 50th we went away overnight and enjoyed the goodness that the Niagra area has to offer! A weekend of amazing celebrations!

Paula Maretzki

5 responses to “Seasons of Motherhood: Weekend Edition with Paula Maretzki”

Gloria says:

April 24, 2021 at 3:10 pm

Gives me chills of all kinds of feelings of your journey Paula. You wrote and write on a large platform He’s given you for life’s experiences so you canshare as you do today for anyone’s encouragement, especially moms and me, your mom. To be reminded how He has unfolded your journey that we prayed over you for your future. Couldn’t have imagined it butGod knew … and now you’re even looking back and seeing His Hand on you with unbelievable beautiful results in the husband you were given. the gifts of 8 and the way you have chosen to follow Him under His guidance such that you could write what you have today. God is good, and we are grateful to be part of your family journey all along. What a narrative, bless your barn!?thank you for writing your reflections for Sandee and us who read and are encouraged He’s with you mess or not. You are inspiring your readers Sandee ??♥️

Reply
Stacey Howie says:

April 24, 2021 at 5:16 pm

And through all of this, you give your time to help so many others. Through God’s hand, you were instrumental in moving me along my spiritual journey from that very first day Ross walked me down our new street a few houses to introduce us. Hosting a small group study on the book of James, and connecting me to Mothers’ bible study groups – I still remember, and reflect on how much I needed this and didn’t even realize. You were always there, gently nudging me along. I thank God for the blessing of you in my life!

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- sandee says:
  
  April 25, 2021 at 2:17 am
  
  Truly that is what Paula has done for as long as I can remember! I am so thankful to know how she was such a blessing. God has used her to nudge us along. Thanks for sharing Stacey xo
  
  Reply
Joyce Loh says:

April 29, 2021 at 3:07 pm

Great job Paula! What an amazing account of your family life; it inspires other women who might be in similar “mess” uplifting them with energized strength by looking to God for His divine intervention! ???

Reply
- sandee says:
  
  April 29, 2021 at 3:22 pm
  
  Totally agree! It is important to share our stories and learn from one another.
  
  Reply

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Seasons of Motherhood: Weekend Edition with Paula Maretzki

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Seasons of Motherhood: Weekend Edition with Paula Maretzki

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