Welcome to Seasons of Motherhood with Melanie (Stevenson) Rossdeutscher ! I am delighted to introduce you to an incredibly talented speaker, writer, painter, mom and friend! We met through our homeschooling connections over the years and have remained friends and cheerleaders for one another!  Melanie taught the homeschool co-op a few years back and brilliantly led the high school group through a fantastic book called The Fred Factor. We were so grateful she gave of her time and talents. She continues to create space for family and friends and at the same time pursue her love of writing. So grateful to have Melanie here to share her thoughts on motherhood today!

 

 

 

 

Melanie Stevenson Born in England, Melanie has never lost her love for British tea and gardens. She now lives in Southern Ontario surrounded by her husband, four children, and a house full of pets. She entered the University of Waterloo as an English major and graduated with a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree. An avid prayer journaler, she has been writing devotionals for over a decade. With a passion for the arts, she has directed numerous plays and teaches acting classes to young people and adults. Melanie spent eighteen years homeschooling her children, still finding the soul-nourishing time to write, garden, and paint. One More Tomorrow is her debut award winning novel and Soul Focus is her first devotional book.

 

 

Thoughts on Motherhood

 

At eighteen years of age, I had a parenting file. That’s how important the whole parenting thing was to me. I wanted to do it right and have an arsenal of proper techniques at my disposal. No screaming kids in grocery aisles for me, or worse, being the screaming or pleading mother. I was going to crush this. Twenty-four years of motherhood and four children later, I’ve learned that it’s a whole lot simpler parenting from a file.

Real-life parenting takes gut-wrenching bravery and heartrending tenacity. It is not for the faint-hearted. Sometimes we get weary. But, of all the things I have attempted in my life to this point, raising my kids is by far the greatest. As much as I desired to parent well, there was no way to execute the whole thing perfectly. I was just a human raising humans which is both messy and wonderful work. Despite the various how-to articles and books, I tumbled headlong into it (like any parent does) unwittingly falling in love with children who stole both hours upon hours of my waking—and sleeping—life, as well as my entire heart. There was nothing to be done about it. Try as I may, every smile, giggle, and tear had me captivated.

All these years later, not much has changed. Three of our four kids are now adults (we still have a twelve-year-old under our roof), and now even those kids are starting to have kids. But as I look back, I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Somehow God knew they needed me. And as it turns out, God also knew I needed them to become like Him. You see, with my imperfections and insecurities I always worried whether I was doing a good enough job and compared my parenting style to other mothers. But God saw fit to entrust me with these precious souls. God used me to grow them up, and them to grow me up. I’m immeasurably better for it. They helped me grow unselfish, forgive myself, and love without conditions. And even now, they call me out on my junk, helping me to become a better version of the mom I desire to be. When I look at their adult selves, I’m amazed by them even now.

There is a lot I could say about the parenting journey, but here are 5 things that I would deem helpful:

1. Cheer your kids on to become who God created them to be (not a version of you). When a baby is born, everyone looks to see who he or she most resembles—mom or dad. Despite physical similarities, as parents, we aren’t creating doppelgangers of ourselves, nor could we. Though the temptation exists, attempting this can lead to conflict and confusion. It’s helpful to remember that we aren’t the Creator. That work was done when God thought up our kids long before they were born. Perhaps more fittingly, we are assistants who help guide our kids as they learn, grow, and discover what God already placed within them to do on this earth. As such, we don’t seek to control, but lead by example. Like a coach, we provide training and clear expectations, challenging our kids to grow in excellence and grace. Mostly, we choose to stand on the sidelines watching the game and cheering them on. We only rush the field to help lift them up in injury or hardship, or onto our shoulders in celebration. In this way, we make space for them to become who God intended while offering guidance, grace, and patience throughout the process.

2. Humbly share your faith with your kids. When I think about this, I am reminded of the verse from Deuteronomy 6:6-7: “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” From this verse, I see a habitual living out of our faith alongside our children. The verse says, “…impress them on your children”, which literally means to leave an imprint. The best I can do is live my life with my heart open to God and leave a gentle imprint of the things of him on the souls he has given to me. Doing so recognizes that our children cannot be forced or coerced into a relationship with Jesus but allows space for them to grow their own authentic one instead of merely borrowing from ours. The impression of faith a mother, or grandmother, leaves on her children cannot be underestimated.

3. Spend as much time as possible with your kids. It’s not possible to leave an imprint without proximity. That means we need to spend time with our children at every stage. That sounds simple, but the world and all its expectations constantly compete for our attention. If we aren’t careful, our phones, schedules, and skewed priorities can easily draw our attention elsewhere. The days are long, but the years are short. Put down the phone, push aside other priorities, and play. Spend time with your kids regularly, not just on special occasions. Talk with them about almost everything, keeping communication open. Make eye contact and pause what you are doing when they want to talk to you. Be available for sudden needs or late-night chats. Such actions let them know they are important and valuable. Be open and honest and leave room for them to be the same. Tell them what you like about them. Point out the ways they are growing and celebrate their strengths and gifts. Help them to see themselves how God sees them. I like to have regular tea times with my kids, and one-onone dates. For four years now, my oldest daughter and I have had regular Starbucks goalsetting dates where she invites me to help her map out her plans. I frequently go out for breakfast with my grown sons, for ice cream dates with my youngest daughter, and for walks with my grandson.

4. Pray for your kids. I cannot emphasize this point enough. Simply put, pray for your kids all the time and in every circumstance. James 5:16 tells us that, “The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” Bring everything to God concerning your children and watch what he will do. He’s much better at sorting it all out. I’m a huge advocate of prayer journaling. When I look back on those written prayers and see the countless ways that God has answered my prayers for my children, I am repeatedly amazed. Prayer humbly invites God into your parenting. It changes you and the way you parent. God is the best parent there is, so it only makes sense that I should take direction from him!

5. Love your kids unconditionally. 1 Peter 4:8 says, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” Love your children deeply, at every stage and phase. Love them through their childish mistakes and sinful choices. Extend forgiveness and mercy in short order. Refrain from withholding love or affection to manipulate behaviour or to punish your child. When you correct them, assure them of your love and quickly restore them to relationship through your kindness and care. Don’t let fear of what others think or the expectations of others dictate your relationship with, or behaviour towards, your child. Be consistent with your behaviour and affection both in private and public. When our kids are confident and secure in our love, knowing that there is nothing they could do, or not do, to make us love them any more or less, they catch a glimpse of God’s love for them and within that security, grow in confidence and grace.

I bless you in your journey through motherhood and leave you with this verse:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

 

Melanie’s books

Soul Focus

One More Tomorrow 

(Won Best Romance at the 2020 Word Guild Awards)