PART ONE

In all honesty, I didn’t know what to do when anxiety knocked on our door. This was not your typical passing worry…it was a bold, persistent banging that I couldn’t ignore.

It was the middle of the night about ten years ago when it manifested itself in the worst way. I woke up unable to breathe, and my husband held me and prayed until it passed. Most people who experience panic attacks or generalized anxiety don’t necessarily have just one particular reason. I knew I needed help to untangle this sudden onset of panic and anxiety, so I reached out to my family doctor, and she was terrific. She offered me medication and put me in touch with a professional to walk me through the next steps and teach me how to manage this new, unwanted guest in my life. It felt like walking on eggshells that first year or so, as I wondered daily when the panic would rear its ugly head again. It was brutal, and I didn’t feel like myself at all. It was a helpless feeling, being at the mercy of uncertainty, and I saw no end in sight.

But slowly, gradually, I learned to work with it.

With the support of my family and my doctors, I took steps to manage my anxiety on my own. I began playing worship music at a very low volume during the night, when I knew I was most likely to have an episode. I opened up to a few trusted friends about what I was experiencing, and was grateful for the healing salve of connection. It was like learning a new skill, flexing a muscle I had never needed to use before, and with each passing year I got better at identifying and anticipating my triggers and then managing my reactions to them.

Everyone’s experience of anxiety is different. Some feel it in their chest, others in their stomach. For some, it makes itself known with aches and pains and dogged exhaustion that never seems to let up no matter how much sleep you get. For others, it shows up as avoidance or reassurance-seeking or full-blown panic attacks. Each time we experience it, it can express itself differently. It’s a moving target that never sits still long enough to capture it and keep it contained. But when you allow yourself to flow with it and practice radical acceptance of this unwanted guest, you create space to ask why. Why is this happening? God never gives us more than we can handle, so what pearls of wisdom await us at the bottom of this dark ocean of fear? Only He knows. Our job is simply to manage, to keep the faith, and to trust that they’ll be revealed in His perfect timing.

A decade ago, when I experienced that first terrifying panic attack, I had no idea how it would echo in my own family years later.

Are you struggling with anxiety? How does it affect you?

 

 

God is with us! May you be blessed with this song by We Are Messengers today!