PART TWO

When anxiety takes over, it can feel like the worst thing you’ve ever experienced. Until you watch your kids go through it.

Every parent knows the feeling of wanting to rearrange the entire world if it will make their children stop hurting. The path of motherhood is riddled with potholes of anxiety and stones of guilt that can trip us up and cause us to stumble if we’re not paying attention, and that alone is enough to cause anxiety. But for those of us who have struggled with it, motherhood can become a minefield.

Just as I had started to wrestle a hold over my anxiety, I began to notice my kids struggling with it too. It was as if it had somehow developed in me and then snuck out into their precious hearts, and I felt wracked with guilt and shame. Had I somehow caused this? Could I have done something to prevent it? Should I have worked even harder to extinguish my own before it could affect them, or was it always inevitable?

As a mom, it’s so easy to blame ourselves when we see our kids struggling. We surround ourselves with “what-ifs,” wondering what we could have done to make things turn out differently for them, forgetting that there isn’t anything, that God is in control and that the best we can do is trust in His plans for them. But anxiety makes us want control, so that we can eliminate uncertainty.

The reality is that we can’t take away what happens in the hallways and classrooms our kids walk through, or their first steps onto the university campus, or a new job with a million unknowns. Our hearts ache because there isn’t a quick fix, and because we can’t force the world to be safe for them, no matter how hard we try.

There’s power in surrendering, in trusting that we’ve given our children what they need to navigate their lives, and that the rest is up to God. I remind myself of this constantly, and of the importance of taking a few minutes every day to tend to my anxiety and do what I need to do to manage it. As moms, prioritizing ourselves for even just a few minutes can pile on even more guilt because we feel like we’re stealing time and energy from our families. But the truth is that it’s important to do this, because it models self-care for our children.

After many years of struggling, I’ve come to a place now where I’m strangely grateful for my own anxiety. As challenging as it still is, it nevertheless prepared me to battle alongside my children against theirs. I wish I could offer you answers and solutions, but my family and I are still navigating all the twists and turns of anxiety, and each day brings new hills to climb, both big and small.

For all of you struggling with mental health, know that you’re not alone. It can feel isolating at times, but you are precious to God and there are so many others who walk this same path, even though you can’t always see them. So I’m reaching out, extending a hand, reminding you that it’s okay to feel scared, to not have answers, to wake up each morning wondering what the day will bring. I would like to personally escort anxiety right back out the front door and build walls so high and mighty that there is no chance for another unwanted knock, but only God can do that.

As the Bible promises in John 16:33, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” I must hold fast to this or discouragement will set in and I will forget to lift my eyes to the hills, where my help comes from.

 

My Help Comes from the Lord

A Song of Ascents.

121 I lift up my eyes to the hills.
    From where does my help come?
² My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot be moved;
    he who keeps you will not slumber.
⁴ Behold, he who keeps Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The Lord is your keeper;
    the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
⁶ The sun shall not strike you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

⁷ The Lord will keep you from all evil;
    he will keep your life.
⁸ The Lord will keep
    your going out and your coming in
    from this time forth and forevermore.

Psalm 121:1-8

 

 

If you’re a mom reading this, have you struggled with mental health and raising a family? How do you cope?

May you be richly blessed by this song by Cliff Cline – Where My Hope Comes From